


i know

by skuls



Category: Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Pre-TFA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:37:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6660256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skuls/pseuds/skuls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompts for Star Wars posted to my account how-i-met-your-mulder. All credits go to prompt created.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “I’m not good with words.”, “Stop trying to be the hero all the time and just be you.”, “I want to hate you, I do, but god, I can’t hate you; not even a little bit.”

“I’m not good with words,” he starts. The clench of her jaw stops him in his path. Her head is bent down, brown hair threaded through with gray hiding her face.

“Where are you going,” Leia says, voice not a question. Her hands are clenched around the blanket on her bed. Her voice has the same tension in it that has been there the past few months. Since the Jedi temple. Since Luke. Since Ben.

“Somewhere,” he says, although he doesn’t know. “I thought this is what you wanted.”

“How could I want this?” She tightens her grip. “I know you blame me for what happened. I know you blame me, for sending him away.”

Han flinches.  “I want to hate you, I do, but god, I can’t hate you; not even a little bit,” he says softly. 

Leia turns to look at him, dark eyes shot through with pain. “And so this is your solution?” she replies. 

“I’m doing this for you. I know you see… him, when you look at me.” He sees him in her as well, like their son is a ghost that won’t stop haunting them.

She blinks hard, and nods as if she understands. He nods in reply, and turns to leave. There is nothing else to say.

“Stop trying to be the hero all the time and just be _you,”_  she says sharply. 

He leaves anyway, because a hero wouldn’t leave. But he would.


	2. He could still feel you on his skin; could still smell your scent on his pillows, on his clothes.

If he’d been younger and less experienced, he may have been able to convince himself that he was just getting back to the normality of life, that things were better. He isn’t that man anymore. He’s experienced a different life, and he misses it. He can’t go back to being a smuggler from being a husband, a father, not immediately. 

Chewie roars and wraps his massive shaggy arms around him in a hug. Han spits hair out of his mouth before replying, “I know, pal. I miss her, too.”

It’s a different way then the way he misses Luke. Luke was his best friend, practically his brother. The kid was the first one after Chewie that he’d gotten attached to. He definitely means a lot, but he’d gotten used to Luke being away at the Jedi temple. It’s in a different way then he misses his son, even. It’s still a biting wound, but one that he thinks will heal, eventually. All wounds heal.

Leaving Leia didn’t leave a wound; it left a hollow space. It feels wrong not to be around her. Ever since Luke had become a Jedi, they’d always made up the team, fighting together. It’s strange not to be near her. They had barely been apart since Tatooine. She is like a constant gape and a constant presence at the same time, a spirit haunting him. He can still feel her on his skin; can still smell her scent on his pillows, on his clothes. He tells himself that he can’t go back, that this is for the best. 

He throws himself into smuggling. Outruns death a few times, cuts it close, makes a few comments about how they’re getting too old for this (to which Chewbacca always roars indignantly). Meanwhile, the First Order builds. He hears whispers about his son in dirty cantinas. How he’s practically the new Darth Vader. He hears whispers about Leia, of a rebellion, and wonders how long it look for the hurt to leak out of her huge brown eyes so she could get to work, fighting the good fight, just as she’s always done. Part of him wishes he could be right there beside her. The other part is happy here, in a familiar space with Chewie.

He hears people scoffing at the idea that there ever was a Luke Skywalker. They are practically legends, the three of them, some story people tell over drinks. It’s strange to think of one’s own life that way. He thinks he’d rather be known for making the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

He tells himself about a million times a day that this is all for the greater good.

(But he misses them, he misses the kid with his strange wisdom and aura about him that made you want to protect him, even though he could take down just about anybody at this point, he misses the droids, even the nagging one. He misses his son, looking up at him as a child with her dark eyes, tugging at his pants leg impatiently, climbing up Chewie’s back with a laugh. He misses her, the flash of her eyes when she was mad, the sound of her voice scolding or shouting or growing soft as she told him she loved him. He misses the old days, blaster in his hand as he fought beside her, and made jokes about owing Luke, and didn’t believe in the Force, hadn’t seen the Dark Side firsthand. He misses her.)


	3. They were coming in too quick… You couldn’t survive this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to imdb and youtube as reference points, since my memory is shit.

She has a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. “I’ve just made a deal that’ll keep the Empire out of here forever,” Lando says before the doors open. That familiar, raspy breathing is her first clue that something is wrong, and her blood runs cold at a sound she hasn’t heard since her imprisonment.

Han’s fingers clamp around hers as he leans forward and shoots four times at Vader before his weapon slips free of his hand and flies across the room. “We would be honored if you would join us,” he intones. A bounty hunter steps out to stand by Vader. Stormtroopers rush in behind him. Leia clutches at Han’s hand. _They’re coming in too quick,_ she thinks wildly. _We can’t survive this._

* * *

They are deposited in a cell momentarily, shoved in roughly by the stormtroopers. Leia’s heart is pounding wildly. She knows what comes next. Interrogation, rebellion secrets. She can’t let more people die because of her. She can’t let Han or Chewie die because of her. But she can’t survive another interrogation. Not again. Not again. 

“Hey.” Han still has a death grip on her hand, and he squeezes it protectively. “It’ll be okay.”

“Will it?” she replies tensely.

“Sure. Chewie will protect us. Right, pal?”

The Wookiee roars his agreement. 

“Somehow, I don’t see this story ending happily,” she tells him. “I don’t think a couple of disguised stormtroopers are going to show up and shoot out a trash compactor to save us.”

“You shot out the trash compactor, remember?”

She would smile if it weren’t for the growing pit of nervousness in her stomach. The Empire is ruthless. They destroyed an entire planet. Her planet. And now they’re going to destroy her all over again.

“Hey.” Han kisses her hairline. “We’re going to get out of this one. I promise.”

It’s a bald-faced lie, but she appreciates the gesture, and leans, very briefly, into his embrace.

The cell door slides open, and four stormtroopers step in. One grabs Han by the elbow, and tugs him away.

Leia doesn’t let go of his hand. “No.”

“Hey. I’ll be fine. It’s me.” His white face betrays the sentiment, but she appreciates it all the same. They tug him out of the room, and her out in another direction. She cranes her head to watch him go. All she can think is that there is no possible way for this to end well. They won’t survive this. 


End file.
